Skip to main content

Christian Divorce Services

Resources for Christians Facing Divorce and Needing Christian Divorce Help

For Ministers
Resources and Articles
What We Do
Why We are Different
Who We Are
Effect on Children
Accounting and Planning
Prayer Team
Contact Us
Mediation Training
Mediator Opportunities
Site Map
For information on guiding church members through divorce, Click here: Pastors Counseling
When a Pastor, Minister, or Elder experiences divorce, it can be a critical and traumatic time in the life of the church.  As leaders, we are to set the example for our flock.  At the same time, we are not perfect human beings.  There was only One who was.  How do we reconcile this?
First, it is important to realize that you are being watched by the people in your church.  You probably don’t need to be told that.  What is important to think about, is that part of leadership is how you handle crisis.  Can you go through a crisis and honor God in the process or do you disgrace Him in how you handle the crisis?  You set the example for your church members.  You can’t be like the parent who says “do as I say, not as I do”.  You have to lead by example.
We have had numerous cases where the minister’s wife was having an affair.  If such a wife repents and you can forgive her, you demonstrate God's forgiveness and redeeming love.  On the other hand, if she wants to leave and insists on divorce, forgiveness does not solve the issue of how to raise the children or provide support.  Consider this passage:

“Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.” Matthew 1:18-19(NIV).

We believe the Bible is the infallible and inspired word of God.  The Word says that Joseph believed his wife had committed adultery.  Because he was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.  God did not call Joseph evil or condemn him for his decision to divorce Mary.  Just the opposite.  He imputed righteousness to him.
How can God impute righteousness to a man about to divorce the mother of Christ?  Because of WHY and HOW Joseph approached the issue.  Jewish law permitted Joseph to divorce his wife and commanded her to be stoned to death (the why).  On the other hand, as heart broken as Joseph must have been, his love and compassion for Mary shone through and he decided to “divorce her quietly” to spare her life (the how).  We had a minister as a client whose wife was having serial affairs with young boys in their early teens in the Church youth groups.  Despite being caught, she repeated the offence.  Upon consultation with the Church elders, the minister decided to divorce her quietly.  We were asked to assist in mediating a solution.  We helped the minister and his wife agree upon a parenting plan and a separation agreement which was filed with a court in another county so that it would not be visible locally (permissible in that state) along with an order sealing the case and an order to not have the court clerk publish the filing of the case in any public forum including internet and newspaper.  This case is contrasted by another similar case in which we were consulted but not retained.  The minister and his wife each retained "Christian" attorneys, sued each other for divorce in court, the case was in the newspapers, and at the top of church members minds.  Some parishioners even went down to the courthouse and read the case file which is a public record. Ultimately the minister was let go as pastor and at last contact was unemployed.
It is also important to realize that not just our church members are watching.  The outside world is watching too, and they are all to ready to point their fingers and say “see, here is more proof that those Christians are a bunch of phonies”.   As ministers, we are in full scope and target of Satan.  Satan will use every trick to trip us up in order to LOOSE people from Christ.  Church leaders commit sins too.  The divorce of a minister, pastor or elder is just one of those opportunities for Satan to capitalize on.  As Gandhi said, “If Christians actually practiced what they preached, all of India would be Christian”.  Satan will attempt to capitalize on a church leaders divorce (or the issues that led to the divorce) to bring disgrace on God’s whole Church.
Finally, if Satan can’t rip people away from Christ through your divorce, he will use it to rip apart your church.  So often when ministers divorce, the church breaks into factions.  There are four main warring factions that rip the church apart: 1) those who support the minister, 2) those who support the spouse, 3) those who condemn divorce and want the minister thrown out, and 4) those who condemn divorce but are willing to forgive and give the minister a second chance.  The war begins within the church.  Each faction claims righteousness and Biblical authority for their position.  They fight and tear at the seams of the church, until the church splits.  Sometimes the minister is removed, sometimes he stays.  Almost always people are lost from the church.
As one minister said “if you can’t honor God with your marriage, don’t disgrace him with how you divorce”.
Christian Divorce Services does not advocate divorce, but will not stand by and let Satan win either.  We will help you and your spouse if reconciliation is no longer an option.  The divorce of a minister, Church elder or pastor is something that needs to be handled in a delicate yet Biblical way.  We believe we are the only ministry equipped to handle this situation.  If you are in this situation, please let us know.  At the very least, we will pray for you.  If you need our assistance we will be there for you.
Working with a Christian organization that is called to mediate divorce among Christians is paramount.  There are many Christians who want to be helpful.  They may run the gamut from friends to litigator “Christian” attorneys; but consider the example of Moses (Acts 7: 23-29 & Ex 2: 11-14).
Although he was a believing Jew, Moses had not yet been called by God.  In fact 40 years before he was called, he came upon an Israelite and an Egyptian in conflict.  He intervened to mediate the conflict even though was not yet called.  He looked around to see that no one else was observing and then he murdered the Egyptian and hid the body.  On a later occasion, he came across two Israelite’s in conflict.  When he tried to intervene and mediate, he was rebuffed and questioned if he would kill one of them as he had done to the Egyptian.  It was another 40 years before God actually called Moses and spoke to him through the burning bush.
Our point is this:  We humbly believe that Christian Divorce Services has been called and equipped to intervene in the divorce process and we believe that makes us uniquely qualified to assist you.  Please call or email so we can talk with you.